19

So yeah. It was my birthday today. I have officially joined the abyss that is 19. Because this is what I think.

18 = cool
19 = abyss
20 = freaky
21 = cool

Thus I am currently in the abyss, but I don't mind it too much. Apart from the fact that I am starting to do old person things like stay in and play gameboard games then go out clubbing with all the crazy hooligans.

I do think I am mentally aging though. I have proof too.

I woke up two nights ago suddenly because I felt a wetness on my arm. In the dark I thought that the cat might have peed on me (which she NEVER has done, so I was pretty shocked) but then when switching on the light I noticed a wet patch in my lap area. Now I know what you are thinking and no I did not wet my pants. As I pulled back the cover I realised that I had placed the glass of water I sometimes keep on my bed side table in the middle of my lap and the only explanation was that I did it in my sleep.

I was dreaming about being in a restaurant so it isn't too suprising.

Still...what is this crazy abyss that I have entered!?

Samson and Me

I have been doing this daily reading plan of the bible that gives you an overview of each book of the Bible. Last night I was up to Judges reading about Samson, and I always seem to have massive problems with Samson. He is blessed with the Spirit of God and is given great power, yet he chooses to marry two women that do not worship God and then sleep with a prostitute between those marriages and is extremely violent.

I decided that I might have to read a commentary to see how this could relate to me today and how this relates to God's plan to bring Jesus to the world to die for the worlds sins. So I found this.

The Lord permits some few to wander wide and sink deep, yet he recovers them at last, and marking his displeasure at sin in their severe temporal sufferings, preserves them from sinking into the pit of destruction. Hypocrites may abuse these examples, and infidels mock at them, but true Christians will thereby be rendered more humble, watchful, and circumspect; more simple in their dependence on the Lord, more fervent in prayer to be kept from falling, and in praise for being preserved; and, if they fall, they will be kept from sinking into despair. (Jdg 16:25-31)

For at the end of Samson life, he realises all that he has done and he comes to God and finds grace and peace in him, despite all his wrongdoings.

Now I see Samson more in myself than ever before. For I truly have sunk low and tried to run from God, but he recovered me, I now feel I am more humble than I was before and am filled every day with praise from being rescued from my sin, not just yesterday or today, but every day of my life.

Casey quotes

"Is Jimi Hendrix normally black?"

I love it when...

I am lying in bed in the morning listening to the rain fall, with no reason to get up.

Spider returns...intoxicated?

The same spider was on the door the next night...shudder.

Oh and I got my RSA and am now terrified of serving intoxicated people and/or minors.

Maybe I should just not get a job...yes I like the sound of that.

No Sleep

It has come to that time in the year, where I must live at home alone for a whole weekend.

For most teenagers this should be a cause for great excitement, followed by someone screaming "Party at *insert frat boys name*'s house!"

However, with my parents away I have only discovered that I will never ever be able to live alone. Mainly because I always think that the security is my house is somehow at its lowest when I am the only one there. Which could possibly be true since my parents are fairly fit and could do some serious damage.

Last night was the first night of the two nights that I will have to withstand. I went to bed at around 1 ish. I got comfortable in my bed, reminded myself that I had locked everything and lay in bed for a while, but the dog kept moving and then I felt nervous that she could hear something with her super sonic ears, so then I got scared and then I did the only think I know how to do. Eat.

It was about half way through my 4th giant rice cracker that I decided to put an end to this madness and as I walked to my bed I recalled another night when I was really tired and randomly found a huntsman on the wall of a room in my house and being scared into going to bed. Ironically as I thought these thoughts there the spider was, on my cupboard.

It wasn't huge, but if you know me, you know there is no WAY that I would sleep in a room with a spider of that caliber. Jacki, this story is really for you because;

1 you are the only person who reads some of this boring crap

and

2 You understand the emotional strength for me to do what I am about to type next.

So, I freaked out and ran to the kitchen and grabbed some Tupperware. I knew no one was home so really there was nothing I could do except for this.

I trapped the spider in the box (where it like went psycho) and then gently slid the lid on. I ran to the back door, unlocked it and then placed it outside. Just when I thought all was well, on the door I had just opened was another huntsman, twice as big.

I cried and ran back to my room, and attempted to sleep.

Sigh. Spiders.

Why am I Clenching?

I seem to be clenching my jaw again..sigh

When I wake up it hurts so bad. And even worse I found out that I am doing it when I am awake.

Apparently if you clench it's because you are stressed. But I have no idea what I am stressed about and I am stressing out trying to work out what I am stressing about.

Vicious Cycle.